Forgiveness (courtesy Dr. Andy McLean)
We know that chronic stress is not good for our physical and mental health.
But if you take a moment to think of things that might contribute to your ongoing sense of stress, it’s not likely that “holding a grudge” makes your list.
As Mark Twain allegedly put it, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
When someone has wronged you, it is typically you who carries the burden. Holding onto anger and resentment increases that burden (physically and emotionally) exponentially.
Forgiving someone does not mean forgetting or excusing the transgression. Rather, it is an intentional act or process that allows a person to free up emotional energy towards something more productive and healthy. For some, the idea of forgiveness falls under the umbrella of spirituality. However, there are significant physical and mental benefits that can occur when one decides to stop holding a grudge.
One Harvard study found that the act of forgiveness reduces anxiety and depression and increases hope. Other studies have noted cardiovascular, immune system, and sleep benefits of dropping a grudge. And self-forgiveness provides similar results. Some of us are able to forgive relatively quickly. For others, the process takes years or might never occur.
Forgiveness researchers Enright and Fitzgibbons note four stages of forgiveness:
- Uncovering – Reflect on the impact
- Decision – Commit to the process
- Work – Work on the process
- Deepening – Find meaning
For those who struggle with managing this journey on their own, in addition to faith-based/spiritual supports, there is a specific type of counseling called “Forgiveness Therapy.” Two other quite common types of therapy often associated with the ability to forgive (self/others) are Schema Therapy and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy.
While holding a grudge is very understandable, it might be time to reflect on the risks and benefits of “letting go.”
If you would like to share inspirational quotes, stories, or ideas which might be helpful to others, please feel free to email our colleague Dr. Melissa Naslund at melissa.naslund@UND.edu.
