N.D. first lady: ‘Never give up hope for recovery’

At Women for Philanthropy luncheon, North Dakota First Lady Kathryn Burgum fights shame and stigma by sharing story of alcoholism and recovery 

Editor’s note: In the UND LEADS Strategic Plan, the Equity core value calls on the University to show “a commitment to access and inclusion.” The recent Women in Philanthropy Luncheon tried to do just that, by inviting North Dakota First Lady Kathryn Burgum to to tell her story of addiction and recovery — and to talk about the need for understanding among friends, family members and universities alike. 

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“How many of you have been impacted in some way by the disease of addiction? Either through your family, friends, whatever — raise your hand.”

That was the question posed by North Dakota first lady Kathryn Burgum as she openly recounted her own struggles with alcohol addiction and recovery in front of 140 guests — and dozens more via livestream — during the recent 10th annual Women for Philanthropy luncheon in UND’s Gorecki Alumni Center.

“I don’t know if I saw anyone who didn’t raise their hand,” Burgum said after the hands shot up. “So, that’s why we’re here. That’s why it’s so important to talk about this.”

Welcoming Burgum to center stage for the chairside chat was CEO DeAnna Carlson Zink of the UND Alumni Association & Foundation, founder and organizational host of the perennial luncheon that aims to educate and empower women to embrace philanthropy while also strengthening their connections with each other and the University.

In her opening remarks, Carlson Zink introduced Burgum as an active supporter and chair of the Advisory Council for the state’s Office of Recovery Reinvented, an office created by her husband, Gov. Doug Burgum. Through her advocacy work, the first lady has built partnerships with other advocates, experts in the field and stakeholders nationwide — including the White House, Faces and Voices of Recovery, the Addiction Policy Forum, and the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, where she serves on the board of trustees.

Burgum is inspiring others and leading a powerful movement for change, Carlson Zink said, but it wasn’t always that way.

Is everyone talking about me?

The first lady — now in long-term recovery for 22 years — told Carlson Zink and the luncheon crowd that she adopted her recovery platform soon after her husband was elected to his first gubernatorial term in 2016. She would make it her priority to support and develop initiatives specifically to help eliminate the shame and stigma of the chronic disease of addiction.

Thinking back to her first interview as first lady, Burgum recalled the newspaper writer asking her why she would choose such an “unusual topic” to focus on.

“At that point, I’d been in recovery for about 15 years, and I just told him, ‘Well, it’s very personal to me,’” Burgum said. “There it was, the cat was out of the bag. A 100-pound weight was lifted off my shoulders because I opened that door and started talking to people.

“I guess the best way I can think of to help others is just to face the issue head-on because the shame and stigma affected me for a huge part of my life. And it’s that shame and stigma that can keep people from reaching out for help.”

Just like diabetes or cancer, addiction to alcohol or any other drug is a disease, she said — not a sign of flawed character or simply a bad choice. That same belief is backed by the American Medical Association, which began classifying alcoholism as a disease in 1956. Addiction was added in 1987.

“We need to share our stories to help normalize the conversations about addiction,” Burgum said. “The more we talk about it, the more we can break down the barriers that keep people from connecting to all the lifesaving resources and services out there.”

And we need to talk early and often

Burgum shared that she suffered her first alcohol-induced blackout in high school, yet she went through college, graduate school and the start of a very successful career in human resources and marketing before she found the courage to ask her boss for support in going to treatment.

On the outside, it appeared she had a great life, she said. On the inside, she was a mess. The following is an abridged excerpt from her talk:

“When I had my first drink in high school, I was like, ‘This is the answer to all my problems.’ I could be anyone I wanted to be. I realize now I had anxiety and depression and was really more of an introvert who was forced to be more of an extrovert. By college, I knew I had a drinking problem, but by then, it was game on for me. It was like, ‘I can’t survive unless I can sort of do this in life.’

I had a career. I was able to go to grad school and move forward in my life, but I always was hung over. I had blackouts. I had to call in sick. I couldn’t have relationships with people unless they drank as much as I drank because then they would know how much I drank. I didn’t have deep relationships with my family. The drinking just got in the way of everything.

I had tried to sober up on my own. I had gone to treatment and maybe had an eight-year period where I would get a month or two of sobriety before I would start drinking again. I thought I was really crazy, and in the end, every time I drank, I was suicidal because it just took me to such deep depths of depression.

But then I had been to treatment and was out walking one day. I was raised Catholic. I didn’t have a lot of faith, but I sort of knew there was something out there. So, I said, ‘Hey, if there’s anyone out there. I need help.’ And I’ve been sober since I uttered those words. For me, that was like the miracle that happened.”

Finding a new life on the other side

And at that moment in her talk, Burgum was stopped by thunderous applause. Carlson Zink then asked Burgum what it was like to take her advocacy work to the national level. By this time, huge Recovery Reinvented conferences were drawing 1,000+ people at a time and inspiring them to take action. Under Burgum’s leadership, North Dakota also had pioneered in 2018 the first statewide stigma survey to evaluate people’s baseline attitudes toward addiction and recovery.

Through collaboration with statewide partners and the North Dakota Behavioral Health Division, the state experienced an 11 percent drop in stigmatized attitudes. In fact, the most recent survey in 2021 found that the percentage of North Dakotans who believe addiction is a disease increased from 63 percent to 74 percent.

“In the first four years of our term, the nation was really focused on the opioid crisis, so I had a seat at the table,” Burgum said. “I was meeting with the drug czar who was trying to figure out what kind of marketing we could do across the nation to help people. They wanted to know what I thought because I had the lived experience.”

She joked that she once had chided the head of the CDC for not giving the same attention to the stigma of addiction that AIDS received.

“Feelings are one thing, but data is another,” she said. “Data can change minds. It can get funding. It can do a lot of things.

“You guys are the surveillance team. You need to start measuring stigma across the nation. For HIV, they had all this information about shame and stigma on their website. And I said, ‘Why aren’t you talking about the shame and stigma with the disease of addiction? Here’s what you could do, just take out the word HIV and put in addiction. That’s all you need to do.’”

It was only a few months later, and the new statistics were added to the CDC website.

One small victory at a time

But for all the numbers and all the initiatives that have made an impact on addiction and recovery, Burgum says her best advice stands.

“I don’t know why, but for some reason, I didn’t give up hope. That’s my big message to everybody: Don’t ever give up hope because recovery is always possible.

“Our nation is at a place where it’s hard for us to listen to each other without judgment. There’s way too much judgment. We need to be patient and kind. We need to be tolerant. That’s how we create opportunities and environments where people can feel safe and supported. One thing I’ve learned in life is that acceptance is the key to happiness.”

>> DID YOU MISS IT? If you were unable to attend the luncheon or view it via livestream, you can catch a recording of the conversation at the UND Alumni Association & Foundation’s YouTube channel.

>> PROCEEDS AND GIFTS stemming from the annual Women for Philanthropy luncheon go toward student scholarships and grants to student organizations on campus. SEI was the sponsor of this year’s event. If you would like to support Women for Philanthropy, click on the link.

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